jas_BLOG_ON's HardestLevel

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 05:09:50 GMT

no longer the same....but i have always been there

I'm BACKK!!!

Wed, 20 May 2009 12:30:44 GMT

WHAT"S UPPPP! I'm back! I havent been here for awhile. Xanga actually doesnt work so well on my HTC Fuze, so I took a little break. I just finished finals....or well one left, and i have been wanting to reward myself. Im looking for another windows mobile phone....mainly the Touch HD. =D I love my windows mobile phones. Since i have been taking a bit of break from Xanga, I have been actually using my Facebook more often, plus my twitter account. Twitter is where people leave like small messages to let people know what they are doing..similiar to the facebook status updates. I found this great software online, Twikini, which allows me to see all my twitter feeds.

Twikini, can be found at http://www.trinketsoftware.com/Twikini

I'm sorry my readers, have to go. Need to study for my last final. check out Twikini. GO WINDOWS MOBILE Users!

this ain't all it's cracked up to be...

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 06:37:41 GMT

so i just had my physical today...still having the same problem. blood pressure...i just noticed that i have been more short tempered lately. Its like i snapped a bit each day at work with all the stress piling up. with school and work, plus family and friends, i have been on one heck of a roller coaster, i duno how i even survived last month. i just taking it one step at the time is the key to making thru this...i feel like this is a temporary thing, but how long is temporary, cuz none of this will go away. i cant relieve all this stress i have. its gonna here for awhile.

you're back. its the same game again, only now im playing too. i'm using you, and you're using me, how can this be healthy..im using u to get away from my pain..to get away from my confusion..i dont like it, but i guess i cant run away..caught in ur own web, with no where to turn. i duno whats up with u lately, but i will keep my guard up, im not here to play around, cuz a mistake like before, will break me apart. the past few months have been strange around you, yet, it seems like that from the start, we have drifted, and we will continue now, cuz thats they only way i can get u out of my head. the last few months, i have seen, heard everything to prove me the kind of person u really are. u cant hid what i saw with my own eyes....esp when one was so public, i felt it as i saw, like a thousand knives stabbing the broken heart that already us. i bid you good-bye...but i guess u'll be everywhere i'll be....so what now...let's make our moves, and see who can outrun who

its too late...

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 02:18:29 GMT

school is finally over...it feels like i have been going nonstop since january, but i finally got a month and half to relax. when i mean relax it includes working my ass off. i recently got the promotion i have had my eyes on for the last two years. This is the greatest achievement that has been accomplished this year, especially since i worked very hard during the second panel. i cant believe i didnt pass my mgmt class tho...getting a D+ and not passing the class....really lame. then had the bbq yesterday. great turnout. cant wait for next year's cuz its gonna be better with alcohol!

its too late...i finally give up u know. u made it seem like i need to feel whole with u, but now that i have finally gotten u rid of my system, i am better...u lied to me so many times, and its when ur actions are caught in the act, that reveals who u really are. i cant forgive u for the things u have done, even if we have never even started yet. it seems like u will never make a difference. u have that special effect on me, but now its comes to an end. i will move on, and u already have. so it makes no difference. ur impression has made ur mark, now to escape it

Monday, June 16, 2008

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 00:12:14 GMT

do u make a difference? or im just making it seem that way?

How

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 03:13:22 GMT

First week of summer school...what a bitch. so much reading and writing to do....i feel like i want to fall asleep in my mgmt class or at least throw the textbook at the professor. its so boring!! i have my interview next week...stress on top of stress. where are my desserts...ya kno, if im stressed, i should be compensated with desserts..haha stupid joke. iono, i felt like i need to blog, and get the shit out of my head, but i cant seem to type what i thought up.

shit, why does this have to happen? ur words make it seem so ambiguous...i duno whats up. i wished u know what i've been through, and how much you mean to me...but i guess u will never know. i have to give this up, because im tired, i really am....but everytime u get close, and i seemed to want to run back but why? is it because this has been going on for over a year, but there was someone before...and that ended up quite well...why can i do that the same...does this infatuation mean something else? maturity? iono, but is it the same....do i really feel the same...im attacked by all sides: school, work, events, and everything else in between...i feel like i set you as a priority, but why......i kno im not supposed to but anyone who makes me an option a priority....but it feels like i do sometimes. i have given in to you for all this time....helping you before helping myself.....did i not do all the right things? or was i just imagining all the things and feelings i have for you. i tried to not think of you....tried to move on, but it doesnt seem to work. i've fell into another infatuation, but it seems like i like coming back to you...fallen for someone who is a splitting image of you...ur personality. i cant seem to fall that again....ugh this is so confusing....i duno if this summer is going to be confusing....what lies ahead.

A love that lacked oxygen

I know it is not your fault or mine.

what to expect

Tue, 27 May 2008 05:42:20 GMT

I haven't been here for so long. Life has been so stressful lately especially for work and school. The only benefit from this stress that i have done exceptionally well this semester, even tho i have felt that i was on the verge of crashing so many times. its kinda stressful waiting for the rest of my grades to be posted online, but after today, im relieved that im waiting for one more class. Work on the other hand, has not been that easy breezy. i have been on a lot of pressure to get sales and also watch myself. i feel irritated that i have to redo a panel, when all i want to be is assume the position already instead of pretending. i just cant take the pressure of another panel. i called in sick one day this month, and a customer ratted me out, and i got caught for faking sick, because i wasn't feeling well to work. i really didn't feel like working, cuz i was feeling some pain lately. the combination of a lot of coffee and red bulls....i've had a lot of caffeine in my system. i had to admit to my coworkers that i mite have a problem...esp this one teller, who is such an ass sometimes. but ya, i have been having chest pains...like being stabbed. i just hope it goes away. i got to see my sis this month, so thats a highlight rite? lol, it was fun to hang out, before i get stuck with summer school and meetings.

i give up on you. im tired, and sick of this. if its a lie you want, then im tired of being honest to you. this doesnt have to be a one-way, i'll play along and give u what u give me. i've kept my secret in too long, and its become a secret pain i've kept. i give up, i truly do. its not worth my time trying to get you to come around. its a secret that i thought was too obvious, i still dont know if you were able to figure it. i just hate how you just come to me, when u need help, and nothing else. a selfish need, and never anything else. there is no where else to go with you, i have to leave you in my past, and have to rewrite my own future...one without you as the glorificated light of my heart.

finding time

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 02:29:43 GMT

i just havent been able to balance my time as well....things are falling out off equilibrium cuz i try to balance all this shit and not freak about it. there is only like a month of school left, but that means a month til the finals, then two weeks off before i go back for summer school, and freak about other stuff! i lost my promotion cuz i was under the impression that i got the job regardless, and that was the case, so i was/am really depressed about it. i have to try harder the next time. i've been using my phone to remind of all the important stuff i gotta do, cuz without it i probably would be so lost. i hella need a vacation....anywhere is find...just give me a break!

here we go again..this always seem to happen. u must already knew what i would do if you asked, cuz here i am for you, at ur knees again. its like you have a leash on me, and i kno i would listen to my owner. i will always protect you, u see...even tho there has been some stuff said, i still defend you, cuz i kno i care so much to see you on the bad side of the light. i must have glorified you, and see you as the angel that touched my heart. i feel so guilty that i cant be there this week, making it another event i wish i can make it up to you......i should really cut the charades and come clean. but i cant seem to do it with all this drama that is happening. separated by distance, alas, i duno what to do.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 01:06:09 GMT

i havent been myself lately...mind is going in a thousand directions daydreaming and worryin about certain stuff. if it wasnt for all the hard thinking i did last week, it would have been a wonderful week. but ya. last monday, had my meeting to go to. took over 5 pages of notes, which i emailed the managers. went after work to get the present for the special someone. thought it would be cool to call her up and suprise her at her doorstep, but she didnt pickup her fone the entire nite. when she finally saw that i called her, it was already 10 and i was already home, and disappointed that it didnt happened like how i wanted it to. was looking for friday for the next opportunity, which never came as well. i mainly worked thruout the rest of the week. got called a RACIST on thursday, cuz of some ass of customer gave me a hard time, and i returned a favor by giving a hard time. o wells, go screw urself. i have no reason to be racist to ur kind anyways. friday....i lugged that present all day just to see if i can get it to her, found out she was "sick," so i didnt happened. went to dinner with candy...im gonna miss her so much. gonna be thousands of miles away from the bay area. its not gonna be the same anymore. a three hour difference apart....o well, but always still a call away!!! saturday, i ended working cuz Sudo went to LA or something, and i covered his shift. so much, work, so much to remember. i have been dreaming weird dreams lately.. so i duno. school starts next week, thursday...so ya, maybe something to look forward to.

iono. i have been getting a lot of heat towards you....like as tho, u arent very liked at all. i heard stuff from people that dont even kno you, or mite not have the slightest idea of how u are. i mean, i've spent some time with u, and i am not gonna let what they say cloud my judgment of you. u are who u are to me. i just duno if u are aware of what im feeling towards you. i learn something new each time i talk with you. i worry about you, when u ever go out and party. it makes me want to get up in the middle of the nite and call you to make sure u r alright. i think about why we grow so apart, but it makes it seem very weird. i think about would it be an end if something did spark, but with u leaving around the corner, will it just be a fling. when i was around you, i felt some sort of attachment towards you, feeling as tho i dont want to leave ur side. i dont think i fell for ur beauty, tho u are beautiful, but more of the attachment and personality u present. i dont care what people think about you, i dont care what they heard or said about you. i've fallen for you, you being urself and not being anyone else.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 03:13:07 GMT

5 days have passed since the new year, and i havent posted my resolutions. i guess i can do them today, since i have nothing better to do.....jeez, im glad im done with taking out my wisdom teeths. took the last two out today, so i feel kinda funny, like chipmunks with large cheeks. its not that bad this time, im not swollen like a blow fish like last year. i have a lot that i want to accomplish this year....as this is the start of my non-teen years, and hitting up the 20s.

i seriously dont think i accomplished all of my resolutions last year..i even screwed up my drinking on two weeks into the new year last year...so this year, its not gonna be on there. if i get i alcohol i get alcohol, i aint gonna trip about it....so come and share with me!!!! for 2007, my grade one resolution, that went down in flames towards the end of the year....i got a 2.69 for the fall semester making me dread about accounting and the accounting major. i have decided to change my majors to be strictly finance, hence the dual finance major i want to do, which takes the same amount of time as one major. if i dont end up a grad school, i mite just go to a vocation school and try to get an accounting major.

so here is my list this year:

1.) get better grades------i really fucked up last semester, i need to keep those grades up if i want to go to grade school. better grades better reimbursements..see below.

2.) Work out....this wasnt on my list year, but i have to get some workout done....got to get rid of the pounds i put on cuz of all the stress not just from school.....but the other problems. i dont like telling people about, but only 2 of my closest friends kno..maybe they forgot...but ya...=x. i got hella stressed from that before.

3.) be more open and "social"? haha this includes drinking conservatively, and something that only one other person knows ;).

there are two resolutions that i duno how to list...but ya...thats about it....kinda weaksauce, but whatever. however i have some work resolutions too:

Work resolutions:

1.) i want to turn ops sup soon, but i kno it aint gonna be within the near 3 months...gotta show better committment. at the northpoint opening, there was alot of questioning about my ops sup status, and sadly im not an ops sup yet....it would be a confidence builder for me cuz then i gotta be more social.

2.) harder in referrals...make the best of it..since its free money. trying to sqeeze wamu for all the money i can get..esp those reimbursements

2008....let's make it fun?